Why am i not sleeping?
I listen to the radio, hoping that the smooth voices of radio announcers will lull me to sleep.
an interview with a filmmaker about a documentary she made. She refers to an excursion she made with the subject of the film: “me and her went…”
oh my. how can I sleep NOW? good lord.
the people of Natuashish in Labrador voted to continue the ban on alcohol in the Innu community.
Two women blew themselves up on busy commuter trains in Moscow.
I went for a long walk tonight in the cool spring night. the air was fragrant with rain and hyacinths. The streets were quiet. I did not see any other women walking alone. I saw a woman walking with a man. Another walking with a dog and a man. I saw men walking alone. As my walk became longer and the night became darker and quieter, i became a bit more nervous.
Then of course i got mad. I’m no target, eh. I’m over 40 and I’m kind of androgynous in appearance. But I’ve learned well that any woman walking alone at night is in danger.
From men. Maybe even those guys I passed on the way home.
The man walking through the park with the umbrella folded under his arm. I was swinging on the playground swing when i saw him come into the park. I don’t know if he saw me, but I watched every move he made. I watched to see if his head swiveled over in my direction. He was humming as he walked, swinging his umbrella a little bit.
at first i imagined it was a gun.
I do get a bit worked up.
could be cause i’m not sleeping.
most men are not going to attack. most men don’t think about, or even SEE the women they pass on the street.
but we see them. we watch them intently. we are like babies in a shopping mall. nothing escapes our attention or analysis. it’s our best defence. Same with babies. they gotta know what to make of all those huge people, all that loud shit around them.
so why can’t i fucking sleep?
dear me. i’m going to the gym in about five hours.
i’m also writing a post about my day on Saturday. I had breakfast with Kevin, and yoga with Dave. but he goes by Road now, which suits him–in some ways better than “dave”–But i’m gonna have to write about that later, because now they’re talking about ancient Icelandic chanting on the radio, and I am in love with all things Icelandic lately. Didja hear they recently voted to ban strip clubs? happy happy. no stripping, more chanting, no prostitution, lots of feminists in government, and they also are playing marimbas more. sounds odd, yes? but it goes with the chanting. mmm. Iceland and marimbas. yea. weird. but I wanna move there. My friend Fuzz says they have lots of sex all the time in Iceland. probably ’cause it’s cold there. but I’m game.
first i need to learn more about the chanting….it sounds kinda like the Kalevala, the Finnish Epic, which is sung…okay here i go. maybe to sleep